Dreamt of John

My struggle with allowing the masculine in my life has always been reflected in my perception of John. I feel a new peace with that struggle now, blossoming as I relive a dream I had with him a few days after his death.

We (John, myself, and others) were in a cabin in the mountains. A storm was coming. I had just had a baby and we needed help. John was sick, but willing to try the trek out of the mountains for everyone. He wordlessly turned around to go back to the cabin. I don’t know how long he was gone before I noticed his absence. I felt a need for him not to leave us so I returned to the cabin as well. By the time I got there, he was contented under all the blankets in the cabin, watching the snow fall out the window. I simply put my hands on him to allow what was needed to be done. I tried for a moment to figure out what was happening, but quickly stopped as it was clear, formal thoughts were unnecessary. His body relaxed under my hands and I asked if he was ready to try again. He said he was and closed his eyes. There was only joy left.

I‘m grateful for this experience and the life that I get to live because of his teachings.